Doc Joke 1: A Surgeon, a GP and a Health Manager

Three friends who had been at medical school together met at a cafe. A drunk driver lost control and smashed into the building hitting their table, tragically killing all three. When they lined up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven, St. Peter asked them to describe what good they had done in life.

One stepped forward and said: "I was a private surgeon who tried to get the absolutely best outcomes for patients. Our profits went towards research, as well as funding poor patients not able to afford insurance."

St. Peter said, "You may enter."

The second said "I was a busy GP working in a rural town but didn't qualify for any government rural funding. Patients couldn't afford realistic fees but I still tried to give them the same or better care that more well-to-do or better subsidised areas got. Subsequently I was never very well off, could not afford locums and so rarely had a holiday."

Again St. Peter said, "You may enter."

The third applicant stepped forward and said, "After qualifying in medicine I went on to study management and became a District Health Board CEO. I helped employ a big management team and set up a vast IT system that was the envy of other districts. To reduce costs we employed the minimum nurse, physician and surgeon numbers and gave bonuses to managers achieving the lowest spend."

St. Peter said, "You may come in too", but as the manager stepped forward, St. Peter added, "However, you have been assesed as "semi-urgent", so we might have a place in six to twelve months, but you will only be able to stay three days. After that, you will be released."